Unique Voice of My Soul, Nothing Else Matters

Burn those books, delete the tapes, cancel the conditioning that hides in the dark corner of my hip, tucked away under layers of protected slippery tissue. The voice of my soul knows everything that I need to know, nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. Wave after wave, I return to the voice of my soul, the voice that knows what is true for me. This unique spark that I am in human form knows every secret I will ever have to hear. Nothing else matters.
What annoys me most, far deeper than words are able to express, are those that think they know "the way" for me, or for any other being for that matter! The way to live, the way to die, the way to be gentle, the way to be kind, the way to give, the way to receive, the way to pleasure, the way to meaning, the way to breath, the way to make love, the way to feel angry, the way to feel, the way to the Heavens, the way to G-d. I want to kindly tell everyone who thinks they know the way to go fuck themselves. Grrr. Hah! Hiss.
No one knows the voice of my soul. To think that you, rabbi, or you, pastor, you, therapist, or you, friend, you, yogi, you, mother, you, father, you, lover, even You, Creator Yourself. I only know the secrets of the cells in my body, the dance of my holy spirit. I only know the message of my beating heart that bursts open like no other. I only know the rhythm of my inbreath, the exploration of my outbreath. Only I, unique I. Nothing else matters.
When all is quiet, I can finally hear the mysterious whispers that my soul longingly sings in my ear. Ahhh, finally, truth be heard. Everyone who wants to sway me otherwise, get out. Anyone who wants to convince me to join in their truth, get away, leave me alone. ROAR!
I have a unique voice of my soul. So do you. Burn those books, delete the tapes, cancel the conditioning that hides in the dark corner of my hip, of your hip, tucked away under layers of protected tissue, so slippery, too slippery. Let the tissues burst open, let the books and tapes burn, let your soul explode farther, brighter, louder, than ever before. Listen, the unique voice of the soul wants to speak. Do not be a fool. Listen. Nothing else matters.

Mimamakim Take 10

When I exit the cycles of intensity, it feels like I have walked through blazing fire, burning off any remaining layers of pain, anger, resentment, or outrage that remained hidden under a knee cap or in between my pumping veins. Exiting the blaze, it feels stranger than ever to be alive. Clearly there is something within me that is continuously receiving this polishing, and yet another part of me remains a peaceful witness to the explosive drama of emotional triggers. This essence, call it a soul, sits solidly unaffected by the roller coaster of upheaval that feels like a plague but often leads to liberation. Often I thought that the inner-work had concluded, and that I had entered the pit of crusty molded emotions of past traumas to the point of expiration, that my roars and tears were those of the past. And yet, when I expect it the least, another wave consumes me, barfing up pieces of my unexplored emotional self that wants a voice and a presence, just like every other part of me. It all wants to be seen, heard, explored, celebrated, loved, accepted, protected, nurtured.
And yet, when the roars quiet to whispers, and tears morph into smiles, I deepen. Deeper than I had thought possible into this mystery of life. Rashani states my sentiments perfectly in “Again and Again”:

It is only by breaking open entirely,
By allowing our heart and whole being
To break open again and again,
Wider than we ever thought possible,
That the unbreakable jewel is revealed:
The beloved of being itself,
The radiant diamond that we have always been.
By loving, truly loving every aspect
Of who we are,
An inexplicable laughter is born
From the deepest sorrow,
An exquisite song emerges
From the most terrifying scream,
The most tender child is awakened
Through the hateful murderer,
Our purest holiness is revealed
By our willingness to embrace
The very thing that most frightens us
And we find unexpectedly a treasure
Where we least expect it to be.
Often in the most disavowed part
Of who we are.

Last night over margaritas and guacamole at Rosa Mexicana in Manhattan’s Union Square area (by the way, definitely go there, the food is delicious, a great spacious vibe, and an amazing wall of sculpted human figures catching drops of water strolling down from the ceiling is not to be missed!), I joined forces with some of the most special woman that I know. During our monthly get-together with my dear soul sisters, we spoke about diets, boyfriends, sex, nephews, favorite books, break-ups, and ideas. Amongst much laughter, smile, and light-hearted bantering, I could not help but feel both connected to these loving human beings, and simultaneously worlds apart. “You have no idea where I have been”, my bodily cells whispered. Mimamakim, from the depths. There is a world inside of my silky smooth skin, and at moments when I take a belly-filled breath, I feel as though I can contact the core of the Earth herself. After being in the depth of depths within my body, how do I transition to light-hearted chit-chat about random hook-ups and Jdate profiles? But I do. Because that is a part of me too. All is welcome here.

Vibrational Art

I experienced the vibrational effect of art today in my studio while teaching. Magic happens when I least expect it. While viewing Jessica's painting in progress, my throat and heart chakras felt suddenly opened, as if an angel within was in floating celebration. I experienced firsthand how color, brushstroke, and the energy and movement within a painting effects not only the artist but the viewer on A VIBRATIONAL LEVEL! If that is so, then artwork shares its vibration with the world, truly increasing and sharing that energy with the Universe. WOW.